Friday, April 19, 2013

Hashtag Prom Problems

It's that time of year again, only this time it's my turn. This year is my year. Senior year. This year I am going to Prom. Good lord does that sound nice. I'm going to Prom. I'm going to Prom. I'M GOING TO PROM.

As excited as I am, I'm really not. First of all, this thing is going to cost a small fortune and I have no idea where the hell all this money is going to come from (probably tax returns). I'm trying to keep my expenses as small as possible to ease the burden for my parents, but at the same time it's my Prom and I want to look nice. Not even nice--I want to look hot. In the words of Caroline Forbes, "I want to look hot. Like Princess Grace of Monaco hot." I'm very serious about that bit. I have the dress all picked out too--I'm going to go try it on next week (if it's still in the store). My issue is that my mom really doesn't want to buy my dress online but I have my heart set on this specific dress and I think I just might die if I don't have it.

There's also the fact that I'm currently dateless. I honestly don't see myself ending up with a date. I just don't think anyone is going to ask me. It kind of sucks seeing all these girls get asked with all these cute grand gestures. I don't even need a grand gesture honestly. I just want someone to ask. Who am I kidding, I want Mr. Almost Perfect to ask. Now, when I thought he had a girlfriend, that idea was a far off fantasy that I never really considered. Today, however, I found out that he doesn't have a girlfriend anymore. I don't know when they broke up but out of sight out of mind. Not only am I relieved that I'm not some kind of homewrecker because I let him call me his baby and all that craziness, but the possibility of him asking me to Prom is now there. HE COULD ASK ME TO PROM. Or he couldn't. He's probably not even interested in me that way. He could just be a total manwhore. But he's so sweet!

But back to Prom--I wouldn't mind going dateless, I just don't want to be the only one out of all my friends to be dateless, you know what I mean? My best friend already has a date and I am so sure that my other friend is going to get asked. They're going to eventually be off with their dates and then there's gonna be me. All I want is one slow dance--and to dance with Mr. Almost Perfect for that song. With my luck, of course, I'll end up sitting in a corner alone during the slow dance.

Mr. Almost Perfect Makes a Move... Or Several

It's official... Mr. Almost Perfect is trying to kill me. If the boy gets anymore affectionate around me, I swear I'm going to start puking rainbows. Somehow, the Gods conspired against me (or in my favor, depending on who you're rooting for) yet again today, and I ended up sitting next to him in the auditorium again today. Of course he's excited about the idea, but as usual, I'm determined to ignore him. HA! In hindsight I should've known it wouldn't work.

So first he starts playing with my fingers, and I just had to ask him what the hell he was doing. He, of course, responds that he's playing with my fingers like it's not a big deal. I mean, it's not but it still is, you know? After that, the sequence of events gets a little fuzzy, but here's what I know happened: we ended up holding hands (yes, fingers interlocked and yes it felt good... even if his hands are huge in comparison to mine), he very much enjoyed touching my leg (under the guise of wow, your pants are so soft!), and he kissed me on the cheek. The last one happened so randomly that I didn't know what to do. He just... kissed my cheek. Out of nowhere! I swear, I felt like I was on a movie date or something. There were a few more random kisses, but no actual kissing, obviously.

The best part was when he asked me if I missed him on Tuesday. Please remember that this is Thursday, and  that I did see him on Wednesday. Actually on Wednesday, he told me he'd missed me when I hugged him in the hall. I didn't say I missed him too, I just asked where he was. So it's funny to me that he would bring it up again today, like he really wanted an answer. I told him no, even though it was probably obvious that I did. I really didn't want to inflate his ego nor feed the flame by telling him I missed him. I'm his friend, not his girlfriend. I don;t have an obligation to miss him. That doesn't mean I didn't, but he doesn't have to know that bit. Besides, I made it seem like I was joking so I'm sure he knows that I missed him.

Also he called me his baby and with that, I quit my life.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Introducing Mr. Almost Perfect

So it's been a while since I last posted. At first it was because my life was ridiculously uneventful. But then all of a sudden my life got so eventful that I barely had the time to process it myself let alone blog about it. Literally the past week has been, for the most part, confusing. I could probably use some insight from sources other than my friends. Whatever, I'm just going to get down to business here: I have a huge boy problem.

So how do you react when you're hugging your guy friend and he kisses your neck? Nothing hickey-worthy, just a peck, but a kiss is a kiss. Do you a) stop him or b) pretend it never happened? Well, if you're me, you start off with a and end up with b. This boy, we'll call him Mr. Almost Perfect, just randomly out of the blue kissed me on the neck when he hugged me last Monday. He did it once and I was like "Oh, okay, that wasn't real. I'm imagining things!" But then he did it AGAIN. So this time I pulled away from the hug and told him to stop. He kind of brushed it off and so I was like alright I guess it's nothing serious. The thing is, though, it kept happening. The entire week he was giving me these long, perfect hugs and I was kind of sort of falling in love without my knowledge.

But wait, there's more. Yesterday was the epitome of I don't even know what. How do I even begin to describe what happened yesterday? How do you react when the guy friend who's been getting oddly intimate with you spends an hour with his arm around your waist? Do you a) smack his arm away, b) completely panic, or c) pretend that it's normal? If you are me and/or you just make terrible life decisions for fun, you probably picked b and c. And of course, this is my life so there's obviously more to it than just that. I don't think there was ever a moment when Mr. Almost Perfect wasn't in contact with me. When I was sitting up and trying very hard to ignore him, he rested his hand on my knee. When I was trying to take a nap and had my head on his armrest he had his arm just casually thrown around me and it was literally the most comfortable feeling in the world. Which is so mushy and cliche. If I had been falling in love last week, yesterday I was hearing wedding bells. He even asked if he could walk me to class. I'm adding letting him to the list of dumb life decisions I've been making lately. He walked me to class, hugged me, and said "bye gorgeous". I didn't know what to do with that so I just kind of let it lie...

It's all really funny because earlier I always thought he was a weirdo. I've caught him just kinda staring at me from the other side of the room on occasion and I just kind of wrote him off as a creep. But then we became friends, and I was cool until this sudden strange shift in our relationship. We went from friends to... what? I mean, are we still just friends? Is this how he treats other female friends? If it is, he's not doing it around me. Am I being played or is he genuinely just into me? I don't even really want to jump to that conclusion honestly. It sounds really cocky to assume that someone likes you just because they're giving you a little bit of attention. At the same time, this is more than a little bit of attention. On the other hand, the elephant in the room is the fact that he has a girlfriend... I think. I mean, I don't really know the intimate details of his life, but I'm pretty sure he has a girlfriend with a name and a mother that he's met. And if that's the case, what is he expecting from me? All of a sudden I feel like a super slut for letting him do the things he does. I can't help but wonder if I'm being played, or if there's a hidden camera somewhere because no boy has ever taken interest in me until this year. The icing on the "I'm so fucked" cake is that he wasn't in school today, and I missed him. I kept looking for him like he would magically appear but obviously he didn't. The missing him isn't the problem, it's the feelings that missing him imply. Am I seriously harboring a crush on Mr. Almost Perfect? I don't know if I'm an idiot, or if this is all just a case of bad timing. Probably a little bit of both.

Friday, March 29, 2013

Extreme Makeover: Blog Edition Version 2?

So in the past two weeks, I think, my blog has gone through two extreme makeovers. From Caffeine and Ink Pens to Technicolor Dreaming, and then from Technicolor Dreaming to Life Unscripted. At the very beginning, this was going to be a "lifestyle" blog. It was, in hindsight, half success half disaster. Like, the blog got views and follows and stuff, but it was just weird. I didn't like it, not sure why. Then, I decided this was going to be my fashion and beauty blog or something, but I quickly abandoned that idea, mostly because I kind of don't really have a clue about neither fashion nor beauty.

Then I just kind of sat down and wondered what I should do with this thing. I started it, and I wanted to continue it. Everything I was trying just didn't feel very much like me. It all felt forced and awkward and bleh. And then I realized the issue was that I was trying to label my blog in the first place. I seriously don't do well with labels. So I decided I'd just write about me and my social misadventures. Or whatever. I'm always complaining about how nobody ever listens to me , so why not have a nice place to word-vomit on my feelings?

So basically, I'm not going to try to put a name on what this is (except for Life Unscripted, I thought it was cute since I want to be a screenwriter...), I'm just going to write. So, if you have plans to read this... I wish you good luck and I apologize in advance, haha.

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Monday, March 25, 2013

Music Monday

In order to get the ball rolling on taking this blog seriously (but not too seriously), I've decided to do a few "themed" days here and there. The first of these is "Music Monday". I think it's a perfectly light-hearted way to keep up with your blog, and share something you love with others. 

Anyways, this week's song is The Way by Ariana Grande Ft. Mac Miller.

I've always adored Ariana Grande. Cat was my favorite character on Victorious, and when I heard her sing for the first time I just about died. Her voice is powerful. My excitement at the fact that she worked with Mac Miller knows no bounds. At one point, I was completely obsessed with him. While I still adore him (even though I feel like his music has lost its touch), he's not my all-time favorite rapper at the moment. The song is catchy and fun, and Ariana hits some notes I could never even dream of attempting. All in all, it's a really good song, and I've been singing it all day. I can't wait for he music video debut tomorrow! Listen to the song below.

Hope you enjoyed the song!

Extreme Makeover: Blog Edition

So I've pretty much completely abandoned this blog in the past month and a half. It mostly had to do with personal issues and a bunch of ridiculous things going on in my life, but I also think I got lazy. On the whole, blogging wasn't exactly number one on my to-do-list. But for some reason, this morning, I set my mind to blogging again. I browsed through Blogspot for some new blogs to follow, read some seriously inspiring posts, and kinda sorta got my muse back. I wanted to blog again.

When the time came to start posting again, I was really turned off by my old layout and almost everything about my blog. While the posts overtly dark (aside from a few seriously pessimistic "facts" about me), it was created at a relatively dark time in my life. It was kind of a glaring reminder of that time. So I set my mind to revamping the entire blog. I got a new url, a new blog title, and made a bunch of fancy pants graphics (I'm far from a web designer though). With my now neat and kinda professional looking blog, I'm ready to start posting for real. Looking forward to sharing my journey with you all.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Liebster Award

I've been sick the past few days, and so it's pretty awesome to come back to like six followers and an award! Haha, thanks so much to HoneyBeige_ for tagging me. You rock.

These are the rules:
  1. You must link back to the person who nominated you
  2. Write 11 random facts about yourself
  3. Answer the 11 questions given by the person who nominated you
  4. Tag and nominate 11 people
  5. Come up with 11 questions for your nominees to answer
  6. No tag backs

11 Random Facts:

  1. The song You'll Be In My Heart from Tarzan still makes me cry.
  2. I have way too many interests to know what I'm going to do with my life.
  3. I wish I lived in the fifties, honest to god.
  4. I want to learn about Zen Buddhism, and possibly convert.
  5. I really hate cliched Young Adult novels.
  6. I'm annoyed that High School wasn't anything like the movies.
  7. I have the biggest cold right now.
  8. When I was younger I wanted to be a dentist.
  9. I think it'd be cool to be a screenwriter.
  10. Greek Mythology fascinates me.
  11. I really want some coffee right now.
HoneyBeige's Questions:
  1. Who is your favorite blogger? Definitely Zoella :)
  2. What is your blog named after? Two of the mundane things in my life that I love.
  3. What's your favorite beauty product? All of my nail polishes. I don't wear makeup or anything like that very often, so that's my best answer, lol.
  4. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be and why? Probably France. The obvious reason would be Paris, and there's also the fact that the countryside is gorgeous.
  5. What is your most embarrassing moment? It's not really a specific moment, but I liked this guy all semester and I'm like 75% sure that he liked me too since he and I always openly flirted. Then I found out he had a "technical girlfriend" and I was just kind of embarrassed that he let me flirt with him all semester. Scumbag.
  6. How long have you been blogging? I only started this over the weekend. I'm on tumblr too, but it's not blogging like this so it doesn't really count lol.
  7. What is your favorite quote? "If someone tells you to change yourself tell them to go fuck themselves." - Ed Sheeran
  8. What's the worst film you've ever seen? And the best one? Some of the worst films I've ever seen have all come from the SyFy channel, and the best movie I've seen is probably The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.
  9. If you were stuck on a deserted island and could only bring 1 item, what would it be? A book? No, probably something that will help me get back to civilization.
  10. What's your favorite movie? It's a tie between Pride and Prejudice and The Notebook (don't judge me).
  11. What's your dream job? Writer.
I Nominate:
(I'd nominate more people but I legit just started this blog so I don't have that many people to tag...)

My Questions For You:
  1. Where do you see yourself in the next few years?
  2. Favorite childhood memory?
  3. What's your worst habit?
  4. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
  5. Meaning behind your blog name?
  6. Favorite Disney movie?
  7. Guilty pleasure?
  8. One thing you're looking forward to.
  9. Best book you've ever read?
  10. What song best describes you?
  11. Favorite thing in your closet/

Monday, February 18, 2013

20 Facts

On a way lighter note than my last post, I noticed this "20 Facts About Me" trend floating around the blogoshpere for a while now (I had been creeping on the blogspot world for a while before deciding to get one of my own). I was wracking my brain for something to post while I waited for my nails to dry and I decided why the hell not! So, here we go.

1. I am seventeen years old, and I've never had what I consider to be a real boyfriend. Not for lack of trying either.

2. I have been natural for about two years now, and I couldn't be more in love with my hair.

3. I swear way too much, I really need to get a handle on that.

4. I speak French (fluently, depending on the day) and I'm currently working my ass off in AP French Language and Culture. God knows what possessed me to take this specific AP my senior year but I'm passing.

5. I named my car after Jeremy Gilbert because I love him so much and the fact that they killed him off the show makes me scared my baby's going to break down before I can actually drive him.

6. I'm obsessed with Starbucks, and I don't get enough chances to go there.

7. Right now, at this very second, the guy I have a crush on is a huge asshole but damn it if he isn't a cute one.

8. I was bullied from elementary school to about sixth grade, the subtle, mean girl kind of bullying that butchered my self-esteem.

9. I would rather take a completely silly photo of myself than a normal one.

10. I'm so excited to start University in the Fall!

11. I'm practically in love with my government teacher, he's just an awesome person and I admire him (even though he's a scatterbrain and an asshole).

12. I feel empty and inadequate if I'm not reading at least one book at the moment (which I'm not--I'm ordering one after I post this, woohoo!).

13. I freaking love horror movies. I love the feeling of being scared by something that can't actually hurt me, and laughing at my friends' expressions.

14. I don't wear makeup. I straight up have no idea how to use it and what goes where and I hate the feeling of a bunch of stuff on my face. I only wear it when I'm getting dolled up for something important.

15. I love chapstick. I'm that girl who reapplies at least ten times a day.

16. I'm always talking about how I'm an old soul and I was born in the wrong era. I'm all about the fifties.

17. At seventeen years old, I still don't know how to drive (I was supposed to start lessons today but my mom's car is in the shop).

18. I am so genuinely awkward in real life. I never really know what to say and how to function in social situations.

19. I am ten times more awkward around guys I like. I have this tendency to giggle and grin and stare at my feet.

20. I have no idea where I'll be in ten years, but I hope I'm doing something that I love.

If you read all twenty, you're perfect and I love you. If you have a post like this you should totally link me! I'm nosy and I love reading these.

xoxo, Sheldine

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Of Natural Hair, Race Issues, and Confidence

(this picture is literally a seven month old instagram picture)

I would pick an incredibly controversial topic for my first real post. Idk I just feel like these are some things that kinda need to be said.

I got my very first perm in the fourth grade. I was what, eight or nine at the time? My parents never should have let me dictate that decision, but I wanted that perm so bad. You see, by the fourth grade, just about every black girl I knew had a perm, and every other girl I knew was white. I was surrounded by people with silky smooth hair, and so, that's how I thought my hair was supposed to be. At eight years old, my only goal was to make sure I fit in, because that's what every eight year old girl wants; to fit in. So, they permed my hair.

I spent the next six to seven years burning the heck out of my hair with chemicals, forcing my hair to lie straight and flat. For a while, I was happy with it. Everyone's hair was straight and so was mine. But then I got to middle school, and it was all about weaves. It was another way for us black girls to have our hair be as close to the caucasian standard as possible. It was about getting our hair to be as long as the white girls, as straight as the white girls, as perfect as the white girls. None of which is realistic.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am not against weaves or perms. You can do what you want with your hair, and don't judge what I do with mine.

So when I started noticing these things, I slowly started weaning myself off of perms. I spent a lot of time with my hair in braids, really unsure of where I was going with it. I just knew I didn't want a perm and I didn't want a weave. I wasn't even sure that I was going natural until mid-2011. I decided then that I was done with all of the bullshit of trying to "tame" my hair, and that I'd let it do what it wants.

In 2012, I cut my hair and started wearing it natural. I wish I could remember the actual date, but I sure as hell remember what that day was like. Some people hated it, some people loved it, and some didn't give a shit either way. There were the kids who gave me those sideways glances, and the teachers who looked at me like I was some kind of hood. There were my friends who were super supportive, and told me how brave I was, and how awesome it looked. And there were the assholes who made fun of me.

Why I chose to focus on them is beyond me. They didn't deserve my attention, didn't even deserve the time I spent feeling bad about myself over the things they said. I gave it to them anyway. There was a time when I hated my hair and the decision I made, because it felt like no matter how cool I thought my hair looked when I did it in the morning, I could never impress these kids. For a while I was so hellbent on getting them to accept me that it took me a while to realize that I didn't need them to. Going natural had been my decision. the only person who's approval that mattered was mine.

I've never been a very confident person, I've always seen myself as ugly (another long story for another long post). Going natural has been a part of discovering how beautiful I actually am, both inside and out. So even if I'm not the most confident person in the world, I'd say I at least have a pretty good start.

If you actually read all of this, bless your heart.

xoxo, Sheldine

Obligatory "not sure what to post" post.

Greetings Earthlings!

No...? Alright then, anyway. Hey guys, I'm Sheldine (pronounced shell-dee-n) and this is my blog (obviously). As far as what I'm going to use it for, I haven't the foggiest. It's probably going to be just a huge mix of things (fashion, advice, rants, hair care... whatever tickles my fancy) as I can never choose one thing to focus on. In essence this is going to be a lifestyle blog, based on, well, my life. (Also by the way you're probably never going to see makeup on here because I hardly wear it.) Some things will be superficial, some totally personal, either way, I'm welcoming you into my brain.

xoxo, Sheldine