Sunday, February 17, 2013

Of Natural Hair, Race Issues, and Confidence

(this picture is literally a seven month old instagram picture)


I would pick an incredibly controversial topic for my first real post. Idk I just feel like these are some things that kinda need to be said.

I got my very first perm in the fourth grade. I was what, eight or nine at the time? My parents never should have let me dictate that decision, but I wanted that perm so bad. You see, by the fourth grade, just about every black girl I knew had a perm, and every other girl I knew was white. I was surrounded by people with silky smooth hair, and so, that's how I thought my hair was supposed to be. At eight years old, my only goal was to make sure I fit in, because that's what every eight year old girl wants; to fit in. So, they permed my hair.

I spent the next six to seven years burning the heck out of my hair with chemicals, forcing my hair to lie straight and flat. For a while, I was happy with it. Everyone's hair was straight and so was mine. But then I got to middle school, and it was all about weaves. It was another way for us black girls to have our hair be as close to the caucasian standard as possible. It was about getting our hair to be as long as the white girls, as straight as the white girls, as perfect as the white girls. None of which is realistic.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am not against weaves or perms. You can do what you want with your hair, and don't judge what I do with mine.

So when I started noticing these things, I slowly started weaning myself off of perms. I spent a lot of time with my hair in braids, really unsure of where I was going with it. I just knew I didn't want a perm and I didn't want a weave. I wasn't even sure that I was going natural until mid-2011. I decided then that I was done with all of the bullshit of trying to "tame" my hair, and that I'd let it do what it wants.

In 2012, I cut my hair and started wearing it natural. I wish I could remember the actual date, but I sure as hell remember what that day was like. Some people hated it, some people loved it, and some didn't give a shit either way. There were the kids who gave me those sideways glances, and the teachers who looked at me like I was some kind of hood. There were my friends who were super supportive, and told me how brave I was, and how awesome it looked. And there were the assholes who made fun of me.

Why I chose to focus on them is beyond me. They didn't deserve my attention, didn't even deserve the time I spent feeling bad about myself over the things they said. I gave it to them anyway. There was a time when I hated my hair and the decision I made, because it felt like no matter how cool I thought my hair looked when I did it in the morning, I could never impress these kids. For a while I was so hellbent on getting them to accept me that it took me a while to realize that I didn't need them to. Going natural had been my decision. the only person who's approval that mattered was mine.

I've never been a very confident person, I've always seen myself as ugly (another long story for another long post). Going natural has been a part of discovering how beautiful I actually am, both inside and out. So even if I'm not the most confident person in the world, I'd say I at least have a pretty good start.

If you actually read all of this, bless your heart.

xoxo, Sheldine

4 comments:

  1. Omg I totally relate I live in England and all of of my friends have long hair even the black ones going natural is hard decision for me could you give me tips fyi your first blog post and its amaze http://natwest-thatgirl.blogspot.co.uk/ - thats my blog if u wanna see

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    1. Hi! I'm glad you can relate (even if it's a sucky position to be in) because I feel like less of a freak, lol. Anyway I have like, three or four tips for you. First off, YouTube tutorials are God's gift to natural girls. You can find awesome ways to style your hair no matter what stage you're in. Second, when you plan to style your hair in the morning wake up early. I don't know how many times my hair's made me late to school. Third, don't go too overboard with the products, try to find one or two and stick with them. Sometimes one brand doesn't mix well with the other. Lastly, don't let anyone push you off track. Negative comments don't define you, this is something you're doing for you.

      I hope this helps!

      xoxo, Sheldine

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  2. What a great post darling! I have recently started a hair journey and I lie somewhere in between. I have tried to work with my natural hair and it broke off EPIC FAIL so I was a sew in princess for awhile, now I have a little length and I relaxed my hair. WELL I Texlaxed my hair. I think natural hair is absolutely gorgeous once its healthy looking and oneday I may go natural but for now I choose to relax/ texlax my hair and it is not to be a mimicing a race for which I am not because * SAY IT LOUD* I'm black and I am Proud! I can manage my relaxed hair better. I feel as long as your hair is healthy it really do not matter if it is natural relaxed or whatever. I am from new york and now live in Atlanta I had the chance of attending mixed raced an mainly black schools, my natural hair was really long at the time I never had an issue with it.Personally I did stand out but I liked it lol :)


    www.chantelovesbeauty.blogspot.com

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    1. Hi, thanks for reading! I totally agree with you, it's all about what you're comfortable with. I'm more comfortable in my natural hair than anything else, and it's so much healthier than it used to be. Everyone's style is different, and if you're proud of your hair, that's what really counts. I live in Miami, and even though it's a melting pot, I go to one of the only REAL mixed race schools. There's no minority group, every group is well represented. You'd think that would help us be a bit more open to others and their choices, but I don't know. Either way, it's a pretty interesting dynamic. Also, I wish you the best of luck on your hair journey!

      xoxo, Sheldine

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